Managing family dynamics
In Sikhi, there is a strong emphasis on the importance of sangat, the people you surround yourself with, which has the potential to impact your life in many different ways. We don’t get to choose our family, yet they make us who we are, virtues and flaws, all bound by karam, put together for different reasons. You are not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and that is ok. Not everyone in your life, especially family, will have the same outlook as you and some of the things they do or say will baffle you. Remember to not get into a battle trying to explain your point of view, it will serve you better in the long run.
The root of suffering is attachment
Learning the difference between attachment and connection is an important lesson that will make life so much easier. Never attach your happiness and peace to another person, place or thing because it will always be transitory. Connections will give you power over your life whilst attachments will drain your energy.
Only attach yourself to the charan of Guruji because that’s what your happiness and peace depends on and where all your affairs get resolved to the highest of standards. The reality is you will only ever have God and yourself (although there is no ‘I’ but that’s a whole other concept to get to grips with) to rely on and the most comforting thing is, it’s all you will ever need. Anything or anyone else that comes into your life through connection will always add value and light to the overflowing supply of grace and blessings that God chooses to shower upon you.
God knows your truth and intentions, that’s all that matters. Let go of trying to reach other people’s everchanging expectations and stop trading in your authenticity for approval, just embrace who and where you are in life. The freedom that comes with being and accepting yourself is an unparalleled feeling that is worth the time and effort it takes to break free from the cage society conditions you to live in.
The inner journey, voice and light will always take you further than where you will ever be able to reach in the external world. Those looking in from the outside will never be able to understand and that’s ok because you will always cross paths with those who are in alignment with where God’s taking you.
Intergenerational trauma and pain is inevitably a prevalent theme that runs through all families, in various different forms, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. You have to become part of the change you wish to see starting from the inside out, by going through the agony of healing. It’s incredibly important and sacred work to ensure future generations don’t have to go through such an intensive process.
Having said that, as I’m going along the journey, I have to keep reminding myself that without the hard work of the above generations I wouldn’t be in as strong as a position as I am to embark on an inner journey. Any positive qualities are all down to God and the parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, family and ancestors He has gifted me with. Any negative qualities are down to my own demerits and karma.
I’m starting to realise how important it is to stay grounded in life. Yes they could of done things differently for us which would have been invaluable but not better because they tried their best with everything they knew and had, a debt that can never be repaid. They made sacrifices so I could get to a place of living in the luxury of peace and contentment today. The raw reality is our grandparents, parents and family members are not destined to be in our lives forever to help guide us, that’s why they work so hard, in a way that they think is best, to put into place guidance that will live on far beyond them. As much as I think I know better now and have got my own ‘forward thinking’, I will only truly realise this once they have left my life.
Although it can be a battle, Maharaj is making me aware that I need to cut them some slack and I’m so grateful He is allowing me to work on this whilst they are still around. Remember the people in your life that test and trigger you the most, may also be the ones who were sent to you in order to free you from the patterns and cycles of pain that have been carried through several generations. Utilise the triggers in your life as a guide to lead you towards your purpose.
My next step in this journey of healing is to truly accept that I am nothing without them and thank God for allowing them, in their own mysterious ways, to help me become the person I always needed when I was younger. This is very deep ongoing work that you would ordinarily go to a therapist for, to work through, which I may consider in the future, but for now I have regular sessions with a very special therapist who knows and designed the blueprint of my life; Waheguru.
It’s tough to navigate these situations and experiences which is why it is so important to strive to bring the virtues of Waheguru into your life in the form of forgiveness, love, speaking sweetly, compassion, truth, contentment and humility. When you start to lose your patience with others, remind yourself of how patient Waheguru is with you, despite the countless mistakes you make.
Focus on the positives
Within family you will naturally gravitate towards those who get you, want you to shine, see your value and add to your light. There are some people that God will gift to see you through all the seasons of your life, through the highs and lows, laughter and tears, joys and sorrow and to withstand the tests and trials that come as part of your journey in life. Where there are no conditions or judgements, just the freedom to be your authentic self, share your inner most thoughts and to be able to ask for a favour without hesitation. They act as a consistent reminder to surrender the outcome of life to God and appreciate your blessings even in the darkest of times. I hope at least one person comes to mind as you stop to think of the people you have in your family that act as this pillar of strength for you!
Remember people will only ever understand from their level of perception and silence speaks when words fail. God knows your truth and sometimes He needs to test you to see if you’re learning from what He is so graciously trying to teach you. Don’t fall into the trap of constantly explaining things in a way that others just won’t understand. The energy it takes is not worth it and disrupts your peace. Just listen respectfully, take it on board and then filter their opinion through your own perspective. Be teachable and drop your ego, acknowledge that your outlook isn’t always necessarily the right one!